Ok, so here goes. I never really planned on doing a blog because I felt that it was pretty silly. To me it looked like an online journal that people tried to use to get attention. Call me a hypocrite, but I am trying to get attention with this blog; not for myself though. I am wanting to draw attention to the worth of a human being. I want to draw attention to the fact that we need to make a change and not accept what other people want us to believe about ourselves. I want to draw attention to the fact that your self worth and your self esteem is not (or at least should not be) based on anything or anyone else. It shouldn't be based on your success in life, work, school, sports, popularity or any such thing. It shouldn't be based off of what others think of you, or what they say about you. It shouldn't be based off of how many friends you have, how many people want to be with you, or how attractive you are to others. It doesn't matter how many friends there are on Facebook or how many comments you receive on your posts. I want to draw attention to the fact that just because a human is a human, they are worth more than anything.
About a year and a half ago I made a mistake. A mistake I never thought I would make. It has caused me a severe amount of pain and grief in my life, and still does to this day. I doubted my self worth, I doubted my ability to succeed, and I doubted that I could ever be worthy of love. I felt that I had betrayed myself and all I believed in, and because of this I did not feel that I deserved goodness in my life. The worst part about all of those feelings, is that I still feel that way today. I have been able to work and overcome many obstacles, but I still cannot overcome the feeling that I will never be "good enough" again. If you ask anyone who knows me, this will probably sound absurd. I have a wonderful life. I have a husband who loves me with every ounce of his being (and even more), I have friends who love and supported me through all my trials, I have a family that loves me fiercely and will defend me to the ends of the earth, and I am moving forward and succeeding in my desired field of work (Dental Hygiene). If I have such perfectly wonderful people surrounding me and loving me with such incredible love, how could I feel the way I feel? Well, I finally realized, I felt inadequate, and unworthy because I do not love myself. I know others love me. They show that love for me every single day. But I base my self worth, and feelings of adequacy off of the wrong things. I have realized, that because of my mistake, I have not let myself feel like I am good enough. I put myself down and hold myself back because of these feelings. In short, I believe a LIE. Luckily, the first step to recovery is to recognize the problem. I know I need to make a change in my own thoughts about myself, and to do this, I want to remind not only myself, but others of how important they really ARE. How incredible they ARE, and how amazing they ARE. Right now. Not tomorrow, not after you lose weight, not after you figure out how to be "beautiful" or when you are popular. I want us to see how wonderful we are right this second.
I once heard a quote(which I sadly do not remember who said it) that went like this, "Being loved by others, does not excuse you from the obligation of loving yourself." I have learned recently how incredibly true this is! Do we today teach each other and ourselves how important it is to love ourselves? I'm not talking about being selfish here. No. I don't want us to think about ourselves and do things only for ourselves because of our self love. That isn't loving your self. That is putting yourself first. I'm talking about actually being satisfied, being content, with who you are. Do we ever stop and just realize, that we are alive, and that miracle of life ought to be celebrated? Whether you believe in God or believe that we came from evolution, life is still an amazing thing! It is a gift! Why do we not appreciate ourselves for that? We need to remember to love ourselves, for being us. Yes, we could all make changes to become a better person, but you cannot become better unless you first realize you are already something great! You are a person, and because of that, you deserve love, respect, understanding, patience, and kindness from EVERYONE. That includes YOU!
"Dream big, and love even bigger"
~Kathleen-Ella
